Focus Upon the Children

“I have come to realize a foundational truth: I have a profound influence upon my grandkids' lives and they trust me.”

After over forty years of teaching and counseling, my world now revolves around being a grandpa. I try to take every opportunity to interact with my grandkids. I read to them, watch cartoons and movies with them, color and draw, go for walks in the forest, wrestle, and swim with them in the lake by which we live. Most importantly, I simply take time to listen to them. They seem to enjoy having me around for no other reason than to give them my attention and know that I care. Since I have been a teacher and a mental health therapist for most of my life, I cannot shake the habit of analyzing people and situations from a biopsychosocial perspective. I do the same with my grandkids. I love watching them grow and learn. I wonder what’s going on in their minds and how they’re developing and processing their world. I also do what I did for their dads, my sons. I give thanks and pray for their health, safety, and growth in wisdom and understanding. Thankfully, all my grandkids are healthy. Like all healthy children, my grandkids are imaginative, cognitively nimble, curious about everything, unfiltered, and awash with enthusiasm. I am blessed. I have come to realize a foundational truth: I have a profound influence upon their lives and they trust me.

“No parent gets it right every time….In family counseling, I have encountered two oft recurring attitudes: regret and hyper-reflection.”

Every decent person in the world shares the conviction that children are the gift of life. A conscientious parent will do almost anything for their child’s benefit. I have counseled and educated thousands of parents over the years. In my experience as a parent and counselor, I have reconciled myself to the reality that good parenting is an imperfectible task. It involves sacrifice, commitment and, at times, struggle. No parent gets it right every time. Whether in ignorance or anger, parents may say or do things that bruise the relationship with their child. How parents deal with these situations is reflected in an array of attitudes and behaviors too numerous to describe. In family counseling, I have encountered two oft recurring attitudes: regret and hyper-reflection. At this point in my work with parents, I center on the Christian experience of redemption. Everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes; everyone needs help to deal with their mistakes; healing and growth emerges from working through their struggles. I always encourage each and every parent with the truth that God’s love and patience covers a multitude of sins. God’s love and patience seeks to be manifest in human parenting. If we persevere in planting the seeds of personal responsibility and self-transcendence and remain hopeful and patient, most struggles will bring about growth, in the fullness of time.

“Teachers, like this grandpa, have a solemn and sacred opportunity and responsibility to influence children positively and to earn their trust. This solemn responsibility supersedes, by quantum measures, any federal, state agency, administrator, or teacher unions’ agenda.”

The potential meaning each child brings into the world is unique and unreplicable. Children are our future. They need our utmost care and concern. Being a parent, grandparent, teacher, and counselor has affirmed and reaffirmed my conviction that good parenting, preeminently for the young, endures as the single most noble, impactful endeavor in any culture or society. Other than parenting, the next greatest influential endeavor affecting the development of the individual child is education. Teachers, like this grandpa, have a solemn and sacred opportunity and responsibility to influence children positively and to earn their trust. This solemn responsibility supersedes, by quantum measures, any federal, state agency, administrator, or teacher unions’ agenda. Any educator or anyone involved with education who does not prioritize the well-being of each and every student forfeits any legitimacy and should change their vocation, immediately. Fit parenting and committed, competent teaching, especially at the early stages of life, remains decisive.

“In short, the environment in which a person develops, especially a young person, either promotes or prevents his or her potential.”

Early human development demonstrates how totally dependent upon a caregiver we are. In fact, a fascinating correlation exists between this degree of dependency and eventual cognitive superiority when compared to other species. When I taught developmental psychology, I placed particular emphasis on the critical nature of biological and psychological development during the early stages of life. Beginning with the miracle of each life at conception, the human being is biologically and evolutionarily predisposed to engage in a synergistic relationship, a mutually interactive relationship with the external world in which he or she will live and grow. For example, if an unborn or an infant were to possess superior cognitive potential, lack of nourishment or support would cripple its development. If an unborn were subjected to teratogens such as disease, environmental toxins, or drug abuse by the mother during the critical in utero stage of development, then permanent impairment could occur. Despite a fetus or newborn’s robust neuroplasticity, certain adverse conditions can render permanent damage. In short, the environment in which a person develops, especially a young person, either promotes or prevents his or her potential. This reality is what Jesus conveyed in his parable about the Sower:

A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path…. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil…. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

The seed is individual potential. The soil reflects the conditions in which a child is nourished or malnourished, affecting growth. The yield is the degree to which an individual’s potential is realized. Only in the fullness of time do we see the fruit of our labor manifested in the lives of our children or, from a teacher’s perspective, students. But not all conditions are the same, not all conditions are as nourishing as others. These immutable laws of nature govern reality and find expression in life, including education. Not all education is as conducive to growth as others. Consequently, the highest yield is not produced; individual potential is not realized. A child’s potential remains dependent upon the conditions in which he or she is reared and educated.

“Addressing these and other challenges or deficits at the early stage of development demonstrates another universal, foundational principle: the earlier the stage, the greater the positive or negative impact upon potential.”

One of my grandkids was born with moderate hearing loss. I, myself, have loss of hearing in one ear and impairment in the other. Now, my condition did not exist at birth, so I was able to pick up sounds and develop speech normally. But, if sounds, words, and expressions are restricted, then speech, social-emotional cues, and precognition will be affected, as well. Fortunately, because of early testing and subsequent diagnosis, we were able to intervene and mitigate potential impediment to my grandchild’s hearing and speech. One of my most meaningful experiences is to take my grandchild to speech therapy and interact with the speech therapist and my grandchild. I see how important it is for him to see the therapist speak correctly and to look in a mirror to learn how to properly formulate sounds and words. Were he required to wear a mask, as many children have been egregiously mandated, the negative consequences from inhibiting auditory and visual stimuli would exacerbate the challenges confronting him. Even a normal child must hear sounds clearly and see facial expressions in order to develop verbal, social, and emotional skills. Addressing these and other challenges or deficits at the early stage of development demonstrates another universal, foundational principle: the earlier the stage, the greater the positive or negative impact upon potential. This principle affirms the impact of parenting and teaching.

“Consequently, the first years of life are both optimal and critical opportunities for learning which cannot be replicated and must not be wasted.”

The vast potential and meaning of each life and its dependency upon a supportive environment challenges us with the ultimate meaning of life: to give of ourselves for the sake of the children. Every parent and teacher is responsible for the nourishment and education of children. As learners, children are particularly dependent, vulnerable, and impressionistic. They are precariously naive and vulnerable to both the demons and angels in life. Children also possess a biological predisposition to learn at a rate of efficiency not to be experienced for the rest of their lifetime. Consequently, the first years of life are both optimal and critical opportunities for learning which cannot be replicated and must not be wasted. Given this profound impact of nurturing upon the young, no greater responsibility exists for parents and educators.

“Such is the primary purpose of education: the well-being of the individual student.”

Over the past four decades, I have known and worked with hundreds of teachers and counselors. Most were competent and conscientious. Some were either incompetent or indecent or both. Most considered their roles as a mission to engage individual students of all ages and circumstances and to help them achieve their individual potential. Such is the primary purpose of education: the well-being of the individual student. It should remain the most important unifying and guiding principle in education. Any deviation from this responsibility signifies a breach of trust and diminishes the support a child needs to learn.

“Dependency fosters an external locus of control which is a general lack of confidence, sometimes victimhood, and a relative inability to deal with life’s challenges. Education must develop an informed, independent, clear thinking, confident, and resilient student.”

Education in general and educating children in particular involves both information and formation. Requiring only what to know or what to think ignores the importance of how to think. Reducing children to mere receptacles of information chokes innate curiosity and wonder. In addition to valid and reliable content, a child must be taught how to develop inner confidence and critical reasoning skills in order to develop an internal locus of control which is an attitude of being personally responsible and confident in life. A child must not be a passive participant, ultimately dependent only upon what a teacher tells him or her. The rationale that individuals in general and children in particular cannot achieve on their own initiative fosters dependency. Dependency fosters an external locus of control which is a general lack of confidence, sometimes victimhood, and a relative inability to deal with life’s challenges. Education must develop an informed, independent, clear thinking, confident, and resilient student. Merely to tell a student what he or she should know undermines this growth. Perhaps the most meaningful experience as a parent, teacher, and counselor is seeing a young person gain self-confidence and the ability to face challenges and discover the myriad of unique opportunities in every moment of his or her life.